


philophobia

by fandomslut1998



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: 5 Seconds of Summer - Freeform, 5 seconds of summer au, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Muke - Freeform, Muke Clemmings, Muke Clemmings - Freeform, Self-Harm, Sexual Abuse, Substance Abuse, Therapy, This is also on wattpad, and ash pays michael's therapy bills, and depressed, and michael is really anti-social, and michael isn't but he just doesn't give a shit about anything, and they're all one big happy family, ashton is a famous drummer in a band, ashton is michael's, basically luke is a budding alcoholic, calum is luke's support system, except they're really not at all, implied homosexual content, luke is kind of poor, so calum pays luke's phone bills
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-15 06:42:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4596777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomslut1998/pseuds/fandomslut1998
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>{philophobia - the fear of falling in love}<br/>{agliophobia - the fear of being hurt}</p><p>luke works at walmart by day and sits in bars at night. he drags himself through his mundane occupation and then drinks away the past - and he definitely doesn't stare at that one boy who's sometimes there with the drummer from that one band. </p><p>michael just wants to get away, but ashton always makes him have a 'social drink'. he'd rather be dying his hair or slicing his wrists or playing guitar or anywhere but here - except when they go to this one bar, and he sees this one boy who stares at him a lot.</p><p>...or the one where michael's really tired of everything and luke's just lonely and hurt, calum pays luke's phone bills, and ashton pays michael's therapy bills...</p><p>WARNING: this work may contain implied or explicit homosexual acts, substance abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, mental issues such as depression, and self-harm. Please do not read if these subjects might be of a triggering nature. </p><p>DISCLAIMER: yeah, I don't own 5SOS, but I'm pretty sure you already knew that.</p><p>lowercase intended for description ツ</p>
            </blockquote>





	philophobia

**Author's Note:**

> Story song: Sleepwalking and Drown by Bring Me The Horizon relate to basically the entire thing. If you don't like screamo, although these songs are pretty tame, look up the lyrics!

**LUKE**

_I'm floating. It's peaceful here - I sigh in satisfaction and spread my arms, keeping my eyes shut. I feel the softness of the clouds around me, the weightlessness of this reality. No; not this reality, this dream. But why can't it be reality? I could float in silence all the time, no fears, no worries. If this was reality, there would be gravity pulling me down. I would feel the wind rushing through my hair, pulling at my skin and ripping at my limbs, I would feel that dropping sensation in the pit of my stomach as I tried to stay calm. Keep my breathing even, keep my eyes closed.. no, I_ _am_ _falling! I can't stop!_

_Panic!_

_~_

I woke with a sharp gasp when my knee collided with the cheap flooring of my bedroom. The falling dream again. I shifted just enough to ease the pressure on the joint before letting my sweaty face rest on the cool floor as I evened my heavy breaths. I knew what the dreams meant - I had looked it up before, on the library's free wifi. Google had told me that something big in my life was going the wrong way, or that I had depression. But I have nothing in my life to change, and I'm not depressed. I'm normal.  _Sure you are._  I banged my head lightly on the floor before slowly lifting myself up.

I had forgotten to close the blinds again. I squinted as I stumbled over to them, sliding the alarm on my phone that had woken me up off. I leaned against the wall for a moment, willing my headache away because I knew that I was out of aspirin. Hadn't I just gotten that bottle the other week? Whatever - its not like I had money for another one right now. When I reached the bathroom a few minutes later, I avoided looking in the mirror as I did my business, only taking a glance as I ran my hand through my fringe on my way out. Why bother putting it up a quiff? It's not like there was anyone I was trying to impress or anything - quite the opposite.

I left my tiny apartment with untied sneakers, black jeans and my crumpled blue work vest overtop of my flannel. There was no point in grabbing my keys, there was almost no gas in the tank of my car anyways, but at least I had remembered to charge my phone for once, so I had music during my walk. Plugging myself in, I pressed play and winced as Bring Me The Horizon blasted through my headache. Turning the volume to a less painful level, I switched to SayWeCanFly and trudged along the street, not caring if I was late. What were they gonna do, fire me? Ha, I was the only one who showed up every day.

Clocking in, I noticed that today was Tuesday - my short shift of the week. Whatever, more time to sit by myself in a crowded room later. All Time Low's cover of Umbrella started playing in my headphones as I threw my basically empty backpack into my cubby in the backroom. I was only a couple of minutes late, so I grabbed a scanner and a random cart full of stock and headed into the main store, making sure that the cord of my earbuds was mostly hidden beneath my hair and clothes. My bosses never used to care, because I showed that I was still able to do my work properly with my music playing, but a few weeks ago, two people complained in one day that I was dazed and distracted. Since then, I'm not supposed to have my music playing, but loud music was the only way I was able to stay awake that day - I was so hungover it was ridiculous, I hadn't slept well for awhile, and to top it off I had a cold. The only reason I went to work was because I really couldn't afford to miss any. The only time I hadn't come in the past two years was when I broke my foot while swerving to avoid an idiot driver on my bike and needed an AirCast. The doctor told me to stay home for at least a week, but I went in after three days. I spent more than usual on painkillers that month.. it was difficult to wear my skinny jeans with my Stormtrooper boot, so I stuck to sweats for awhile. 

Yellowcard's cover of Everywhere came on, and I started bobbing my head and mouthing the words. This was one of my favourite playlists.. all of the Punk Goes Pop albums in one place? Perfect. Everytime someone passed I would put my head down and stock the shelves quietly. I was in the corner near the Mr. Lube shop, so there weren't many passersby.

Suddenly, someone tapped my shoulder. I jumped, spinning around and ripping out my earbud. I winced and rubbed at my ear.  _That hurt_. I looked at the intruder, glancing up and down nonchalantly. He was carrying a skateboard horizontally by his side, had ripped skinny jeans similar to mine, and a flannel over a Blink-182 muscle shirt. He cleared his throat, and I looked up, blushing furiously.  _Was I seriously just checking out this total (totally hot) stranger_? He raised his pierced eyebrow at me and chuckled. "C-can I help y-you?" I cursed myself out mentally for stuttering. He smiled slightly before nodding. "Yeah, where's that patterned duct tape shit?" I raised my eyebrow at his unnecessary use of foul language, motioning a few aisles over. He nodded at me before going over there. I stared at his retreating dark purple (or was it black?) hair for a moment before shaking myself out of it. I found Spotify's Guilty Pleasures playlist, plugged myself in, and went back to earning my meager living.

**Author's Note:**

> this is literal shit
> 
> only 1034 words, but it's something, right?
> 
> anyways, this is my first work on ao3, so comment, leave kudos, all that


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